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How to miniser to those who want to leave their homosexual life

> Louie,
> Be advised the convention is ongoing as I write this and I am still
> standing by for your response to my question about how to minister to
> those who want to leave their homosexual lifestyle in favor of
> traditional heterosexual relationships.
> IHS,
> Dan

At the WCC in Harare, a woman from Swaziland asked me as similar
question,  how I felt about healed homosexuals.

"Would you want your daughter to marry a 'healed homosexual?'" I asked,
eyes twinkling.

She twinkled back: "You're not a mother so you need to understand that I'm
not likely to give my approval easily to anyone my daughter might choose
to marry! However, I can say one thing with certainty, if a healed
homosexual were to seek to marry her, I hope very much that he would be
honest with her about that before the marriage."

It is important to demystify sexuality and to create a safe space for such
candor: right now the stigmas against homosexuals make such candor a rare
commodity indeed.

Some homosexual persons make successful heterosexual adaptations, but many
don't want that:  many would be unhappy unless the body plumbing itself
completely changes, including all of the involuntary erotic responses.  
Some of the most honest in the Exodus movement are honest about the near
impossibility of that happening; but many of their clients don't want to
hear them.

(See my account of my visit to a Regeneration meeting back in 1993, at
http://www.qrd.org/religion/anti/exgay/regeneration.txt.  It is much more
supportive than most lbg Christian responses to that movement.)

It is extremely important that both partners to a marriage have full
disclosure about each other's sexual identity, both real and wished for.
There is enormous pressure to pretend even to one's self that there has
been a real change only to be terrified by the contrary evidence in one's
plumbing.  That's hard enough in itself, and doubly so when a heterosexual
partner is party to this experiment without even knowing what is going on.

The culture privileges heterosexuals; it is understandable that most
lesbigay people at some point in their lives would prefer to be
heterosexual; most of us experience our homosexuality as a given, not as a
choice.  Nevertheless, the choices which we do have are extremely
important, namely the choice to be the best lesbigay person we can be. For
some that may mean making an open and candid heterosexual adaptation.  
For most that will probably mean living as a responsible lesbigay person.

The serenity prayer is most important, but one should not pray it unless
prepared for God's answer, which may not be the easiest one to hear:

     God grant  me the serenity
     to accept the  things I cannot
     change, Courage  to change the
     things I can and  the Wisdom to
     know the  difference.

Friends, family, and counselors -- lbg and straight alike -- should avoid
being meddlesome.  Another human being's sexuality is a part of her or his
wholeness, and not something for outside 'experts' to play hocus pocus
over.  We love and support others best by living our own lives with
integrity and by being prayerful, nonjudgmental friends, supporting our
friends as they walk this holy pilgrimage.

I hope this is helpful.


Louie Crew, Member of Executive Council
377 S. Harrison St., #12D, East Orange, NJ 07018-1225
http://newark.rutgers.edu/~lcrew   973-395-1068

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