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How to Come Out
- To: Any Priest Contemplating Coming Out to Her/His Congregation <>
- Subject: How to Come Out
- From: Louie Crew <firstname.lastname@example.org>
- Date: Sat, 5 Aug 2000 15:20:50 -0400 (EDT)
Your major concern needs to be how to do this without putting yourself at
the center of your ministry. The people of your parish are at the center.
All you're doing is asking for oxygen: don't make it more than that, and
to the extent you can control that, don't let others make it more than
That does not mean that you have to trash gays who are thought of as being
'only about gay.' You will have that label put on you by many people for
the rest of your life: wear your scarlet letter with dignity, but not 'in
your face' to those whom you love and serve. Nor does it mean that you
will have to say over and over again, "I am not just about being gay."
Saying it won't make it so, but living it will. When you live
authentically, you don't have to stress that you are authentic. You and
all around you will know it.
You must function with your sexuality as integral but not definitive of
who you are any more than it is for a typical straight person. If you can
learn to do that yourself, you will love your people enough that in time
they will not remember what their fuss was about.
Enjoy your debut, but get over it as quickly as possible, for one never
quits coming out. Once you get the knack of it, you will make it much
more incidental than an event in its own right. It wouldn't hurt to make
it as incidental as possible from the start.
And keep a sense of humor about it all! Tickelbox repair is the major
spiritual need of our time.
I hope this is helpful.