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Re: Words of comfort & love needed
Jim, I address this to your friend.
The author of the letter sounds like he needs some space and does not have
much love to give right now. That is why we have heaven, for
reconciliations that don't take place here.
Grieve the loss, yes, but don't obsess about it, especially if you run the
risk of pitying yourself for all that your gay identity has cost you.
For a moment, this letter prompted me to remember the friends I lost when
I came out to them, not to mention the dozens of friends whom I might have
had if they did not know me first as a gay person. Some of these are very
good people. They're not comic book villains; they don't grow snouts.
Their prejudice towards me is not all pervasive in their life. Some even
recognize their prejudice as prejudice but, given other priorities in
their life, prefer not to deal with this one. We all exclude others for a
variety of reasons; we do not, cannot embrace everyone as an intimate.
I know few people who have as many friends as I do. I never had so many
friends when I wanted them desperately and feared they would find out.
A few straight friends with whom I shared my secret were shocked when I
told it not just to them exclusively, but to the world. I grieved when
some of them were not able to make the next turn in our holy pilgrimage
together when called to be no longer my guardian, just my peer.
Friends come to us as a gift. It is wise to live aware that what is
freely given may freely be taken away.
The bigger challenge is not to have friends, but to be a friend, and not
just to those who would validate us. God has already validated us, and
those who disapprove of us. You will understand your worth as you
Let the pain you're feeling be a growing pain. Pray that your friend's
pain will be the same.
God bless both of you.
Louie Crew, Box 30, Nwk, NJ 07101 973-485-4503.
Our first foray into parading went very well indeed. There were
about a dozen of us behind the parish parade banner, including our
out gay priest. He was cheered everywhere. One bystander was heard
to exclaim, "Oh, it's an Episcopal Church. I love Episcopalians!"
--Gay Pride Sunday, 6/27/99, Larry Graham <GraLawLe@aol.com>
There are 185 days until the end of the 1900s.